A lot of people dont believe me when i say i've never been in a relationship. Like, ever.

To which i dont really know how to react when they ask me like,

"Hani how could you be single?! Come on spill it"

yeah i can, so what? mind your own business. lol.

Okay to be honest, I've entered the friendzone before, buttttttt.....in my defense maybe they're all in happy relationship now! With such pretty girls too. Tsk tsk.

I think my favorite response is when people say I’m “too picky” AS IF I HAVE A LOT TO PICK FROM?! I'm not even attractive.

Whenever I meet up with old friends conversations will eventually lead up to everybody’s love life and I literally don’t have anything to contribute. I have crushes, but that’s about it. In most cases I’ll have a crush on a guy for like 4 or 6 years max. Because i'm type of people who cant move on easily.

In the rare case that it’s a CRUSH, I am a chicken when it comes to making any move. I couuuuld drop some hints or "kode", but I probably end up giving him the impression that I hate him. I avoid whenever he want to meet up, I run the other way, pretend he doesn’t exist when he’s in the room.

But I feel the need to say this: a lot of times I am literally, fully content with my personal life right now. Maybe because being single is all I’ve ever known, so I wouldn’t know what’s it like to be in relationship. Maybe because I have great friends I can share anything with (I’m aware most of them are in relationship. I wouldn’t be able to annoy them as much sigh). Maybe because I still enjoy being a little kid around my family and watching tv in bed sandwiched between my parents is one of the best feelings in the world. I take pride in knowing how to be happy by myself, so that if I do find someone, I don’t depend my happiness on him.

I think the cliche advice I often hear (and tell) is to pray it out, leave it all to Allah, when the timing is right it’ll happen. And for a brief moment, that was what I did. I said brief because then I thought to myself, dang, am I really making doa to Him just for the sake of hoping to meet my other half one day, or am I really sincere in being closer to Him? It was a huge a-ha moment for me. Eureka!

I’ve always liked the quote that “A woman’s heart should be so close to God that a man must seek Him in order to find her” or something like that. I don’t even know the origin of that quote and it certainly doesn’t just apply to Muslims but it’s beautiful. I guess in Islam we have Allah’s promise in that perempuan baik untuk lelaki baik, vice versa and that’s assuring :)

At the end of the day I know I’m not ready and Allah knows I’m not either. Regardless of what society says, I'm proud to be single (for now)

In the mean time I can only improve myself, straighten my niat in making my doa to him.