A lot of people dont believe me when i say i've never been in a relationship. Like, ever.

To which i dont really know how to react when they ask me like,

"Hani how could you be single?! Come on spill it"

yeah i can, so what? mind your own business. lol.

Okay to be honest, I've entered the friendzone before, buttttttt.....in my defense maybe they're all in happy relationship now! With such pretty girls too. Tsk tsk.

I think my favorite response is when people say I’m “too picky” AS IF I HAVE A LOT TO PICK FROM?! I'm not even attractive.

Whenever I meet up with old friends conversations will eventually lead up to everybody’s love life and I literally don’t have anything to contribute. I have crushes, but that’s about it. In most cases I’ll have a crush on a guy for like 4 or 6 years max. Because i'm type of people who cant move on easily.

In the rare case that it’s a CRUSH, I am a chicken when it comes to making any move. I couuuuld drop some hints or "kode", but I probably end up giving him the impression that I hate him. I avoid whenever he want to meet up, I run the other way, pretend he doesn’t exist when he’s in the room.

But I feel the need to say this: a lot of times I am literally, fully content with my personal life right now. Maybe because being single is all I’ve ever known, so I wouldn’t know what’s it like to be in relationship. Maybe because I have great friends I can share anything with (I’m aware most of them are in relationship. I wouldn’t be able to annoy them as much sigh). Maybe because I still enjoy being a little kid around my family and watching tv in bed sandwiched between my parents is one of the best feelings in the world. I take pride in knowing how to be happy by myself, so that if I do find someone, I don’t depend my happiness on him.

I think the cliche advice I often hear (and tell) is to pray it out, leave it all to Allah, when the timing is right it’ll happen. And for a brief moment, that was what I did. I said brief because then I thought to myself, dang, am I really making doa to Him just for the sake of hoping to meet my other half one day, or am I really sincere in being closer to Him? It was a huge a-ha moment for me. Eureka!

I’ve always liked the quote that “A woman’s heart should be so close to God that a man must seek Him in order to find her” or something like that. I don’t even know the origin of that quote and it certainly doesn’t just apply to Muslims but it’s beautiful. I guess in Islam we have Allah’s promise in that perempuan baik untuk lelaki baik, vice versa and that’s assuring :)

At the end of the day I know I’m not ready and Allah knows I’m not either. Regardless of what society says, I'm proud to be single (for now)

In the mean time I can only improve myself, straighten my niat in making my doa to him.

8 December 2018 officially marked the end of my university journey, I became a Gunadarma University graduate! For those of you that don’t know or for those of you that are new to my blog, I completed my degree in English Literature, Faculty of Letters and Cultures at Gunadarma University at the end of this year. I’d been looking forward to this day for a long time! Our graduation ceremony took place at Jakarta Convention Center which made it even more special. Finally... After 4 years of hard work aku lulus juga!!!


There were so many times when I didn’t think I’d make it through my degree, I faced many challenges and was presented with various obstacles but I always found a way around them. My time at university had its ups and downs, and most stressful four years of my life so far. I was surrounded by such supportive people and made some lifelong friends.


So there we have it, a day I never wanted to end, my graduation. I never thought I’d get a degree, but I DID IT! I am officially a Bachelor of English Literature.Thank you to my friends and family for always believing in me, for being there for me no matter what and for always supporting me, it means more than you know. I would just like to thank everyone that has been there for me over the last four years, you have helped me get to where I am today. I wish I could thank you all individually but this post is way too long already.





So that concludes today’s post, I wanted to share my graduation day with you all, you’ve all been a part of my journey.

Have you graduated? How do you feel about university? Let me know in the comments!

Actually i didn't have much to do tonight, and i'm bored as hell. Lagi berusaha meminimalisir penggunaan social media belakangan ini. Ig gue deactivate, blog ini jugaa, tp tetep suka nge scrolling twitter, which something that i find really interesting to read 'receh story-an' org. Dan menurut gue twitter itu tempat yg lebih tepat untuk meluapkan keluh kesah lo daripada fb.

So here i want to tell you ... another “midnight writing mood” hehe. Abis ngobrolin tentang sugar daddy yg lagi viral di twitter di grup chat wa gue, dan yagitu namanya juga perempuan, suka sulit berenti kalo udh mulai gibah (jgn dicontoh yaa)

Mood swing banget beberapa hari ini, sensitif, padahal masih tanggal segini, "bulanan" gue masih sekitar 2 minggu lagi, hm. Lagian juga kalo gue lagi on period, gue gak moody-an bgt kok. Tapi ada beberapa hal yang muncul di pikiran gue sekilas gitu akhir2 ini. pokoknya tiap hari pasti ada aja yg gue pikirin, mau gue tulis di blog tapi lupa mulu, dan menurut gue gak cukup banyak juga untuk bisa gue ceritain. Nah jd ini gue mau jabarin satu-satu.


Gue bingung sama diri gue sendiri, kenapa sih kenapaa gitu gue terlalu peduli sama orang? kesel sendiri kadang. Padahal awalnya gue gak peduli, tp lama2 kenpa bisa begitu, gue juga gatau. Gue terlalu mementingkan kepentingan orang dibandingin diri sendiri, dan itu ngebuat gue malah menjadi orang yg tersakiti (apaan bgt ya..) Dan saat gue butuh apa yang gue pernah kasih ke lingkungan gue, realita ngehentak gue, seakan-akan nonjok gue dari depan, ga ngasih sedikit pun. Gue langsung sadar kalo ini realita, lo gabisa anggep semua orang itu baik, gue pernah nyoba jadi orang jahat, which is di kamus gue itu adalah orang yang gapeduli sama posisi orang, perasaan mereka, keadaan mereka, tapi gue gabisa, dan gue balik dengan cepat ke habbit gue yang lama, care too much.


Pernah ada yg nanya, kenapa sih gue susah bgt percaya sama orang. Karena kepercayaan itu termasuk harga diri. Karena gue tipe org yang kalo sekali gue percaya sama org, ya gue bakal terus bergantung sama org itu, dan gue takut bgt sama kehilangan. Gue takut berharap yg terlalu lebih dan itu bakalan nyakitin gue juga karena orang lain gak bisa ngasih apa yg gue mau. Dan yaa gitu... gue selalu berusaha untuk cuek, acuh terlihat kuat di mata org lain karena gue mau ngelindungin diri gue sendiri. Berusaha bgt untuk gak menceritakan kelemahan gue tp yg pada akhirnya juga gue emang lemah wkwk Kalian gak ngerti kan? yaa biar gue aja yg tau..

Yang paling berharga dari seseorang itu adalah rasa percayanya terhadapmu. Karena kepercayaan itu tak ternilai harganya. Maka jangan pernah kau kecewakan orang yg telah mempercayaimu, sebab harga dirimu terletak disitu. 

-Arif Rahman

Gatau nih gue random parah, rasanya gue butuh banyak piknik supaya pikiran gue jernih. Harus cepet2 nyelesain skripsi gue biar cepet2 sidang trus ngerencanain naik gunung lagi bareng sofi buat ngerayain lulus. yeay. wkwk. Ya semoga aja skripsi gue lancar yaa. biar gak nunda-nunda nikah. Eh... tp gatau sama siapa haha. Okay segitu dulu curhatan gue, btw udh lama juga gue gak curhat panjang lebar. yaudah sekali lagi.



Bhay,
Hani.

I think, being ignored by someone is the worst thing in life. It might cause your mood turns bad.

Okay, several times I did that bad act too, ignoring somenone who greeted me first in text or chat, not the face to face one lah.

Terlalu sibuk, gak punya pulsa, gak mood, ngerasa gak penting buat dibales.. yeah, that’s the most common reasons which usually “force” someone to ignore the text.

Gue pernah nanya sama temen, kalo ada yang sms dia, pasti di bales gak? Dan dia bilang, sebisa mungkin akan dia bales.. woooh, mantap!

Belom lama ini, temen gue gak bales chat gue, trus pas ketemuan, gue complained, “Kok gak dibales sih chat gue yg ini?”, ya menurut mereka semuanya udah jelas, trus juga mereka lagi gak ada topik yang mau diobrolin jadi gak dibales deh.. daripada dibales tapi malah nge-flat dan buang2 waktu.

Tapi pernah gak sih lo coba mikir,

your ignorance maybe has hurted them..

Mungkin lo pikir gak penting, tapi gimana kalo dia berpikir sebaliknya.. Gimana kalo dia bener2 butuh saran lo tapi hanya dengan alasan gak mood lo jadi gak mau jawab pertanyaannya. Gimana kalo dia bener2 perhatian sama lo atau pengen tau kabar lo karena udah lama gak ketemu, tapi lo malah sok sibuk, atau gimana kalo dia lagi butuh tempat cerita atau sekedar temen ngobrol dan ada kemungkinan bakal bunuh diri kalo lo nyuekin dia.. ehm, yang terakhir agak lebay hehe..

Introspeksi buat diri gue sendiri juga sih, karena terkadang gue masih kayak gitu, karena terkadang gue masih suka seadanya binti males2an kalo jawab pertanyaan atau sapaan orang, jadi harusnya gue gak boleh kesel kalo diperlakukan hal serupa, ahaha.. Tapi jadinya sekarang gue sangat mengehargai kebaikan seseorang ketika mereka membalas chat dengan cepat sih.  I mean, it's the little things that matter the most who has tried to brighten my days.

Ayayaya, cheer up, han!

It’s incredibly easy in this day and age to look around and constantly compare ourselves to other people. We feel like we’re not where we want to be, like we’re missing out, like everyone else is more successful or happier or having more fun or that we’re being left behind. The truth is, everyone feels like this from time to time.

You only see other people’s lives from the outside, looking in.

You only know what people tell you about themselves – or what they post on Facebook or Instagram. They are the editors of their own self-image, and in the modern era you can be completely deceived by the highlight reels people post online. You only see the highs, not the lows.

You don’t see the sadness. You don’t see the insecurity, or the self-loathing, or any sign of the internal battles that each and every one of us fights day in and day out.

It’s hard not to look at other people’s lives and feel jealous and insecure about ourselves. But we don’t see the reality. We don’t see how much other people struggle, exactly like we do. We don’t see the tears, or loneliness, or the frustration. We feel these things only in ourselves, and so we feel isolated and as though the world has left us behind, when in reality we’re all exactly where we need to be.

Just because they had a good life, it doesn't mean the didn't have a problem.
It's called "Sawang sinawang"

Be grateful guys.

We’re all on our own timelines, living our lives the way we’re meant to. We will get to where we want to be when we’re meant to get there, no matter how long it takes. We can’t force things to turn out any particular way. What will be will be.